i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
