Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
