He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
