I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
