Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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