Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
