You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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