i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Randomize
