I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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