my mouth tastes like poor choices
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
