There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
