Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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