dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
