Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
