I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
