Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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