garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
