I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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