Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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