Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
