Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
