Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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