i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
