My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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