I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
