you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
