i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
