but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
