mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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