Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
