I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
