right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
