some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
is that a dick in a sweater?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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