I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
