oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
