I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
