Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Who died my cat blue again?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
