toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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