4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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