if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
