I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
