The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
