eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Woke up backwards on a recliner
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
