i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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