If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
