I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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