Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
