I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
