The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
