Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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